Straddling
by s. du jour
Summary: It’s been a year. Jessica and Jonathan see each other when they can. But it can’t stay this way forever, and they both know it. Slightly-AU but not in any major way. Bk3 Spoilers.


**WARNING: BOOK THREE SPOILERS!**

**That was just for those of you who haven't read all of the Midnighters books, and since the Uglies movie might be coming out in the next year or two, this is like a _very_-in-advance warning for those who've just discovered Scott Westerfeld. **

**For this story, you sort of have to pretend that the ending chapter of Midnighters didn't happen, and probably a few other details as well. I haven't read it in a few months, so I can't remember the exact ending. Let me know if I missed out on something important.**

**I hope you like it.**

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It had been a long year for Jonathan—for Jessica, less than six days had passed; every single moment of them with Jonathan, waking or sleeping.

They were sitting together in the middle of the desert, arms around each other, touching as much of one another as they could, defying the blue time's attempt to keep them apart.

It was a hollow victory, and they both knew it.

Jessica reached up to touch Jonathan's face. She still couldn't get used to this new Jonathan—the one whose features had hardened and whose frame had gotten even taller. The one whose face became more and more sunken with every hour, the one whose jaw was alternately scratchy and smooth. The one whose eyes began to lose his soul.

They couldn't bear to be away from each other for long, and yet she still had to take care of herself somehow. She hadn't had a shower in three of her days.

"I reek," she said flatly.

"I don't care," he said, and kissed her bare shoulder. "It's worth it to see you."

She tried to laugh, looking up at his face. And all she saw in his eyes was truth—truth and devotion. She couldn't laugh at him then. Instead she reached up to kiss him once, settling back down into his arms, pressing closer to him than before. They stayed like that for a long time, until the blue time ended and Jonathan was left with nothing in his arms.

***

Their relationship was harder for him than it was for her, she knew. For her part, there was no time when she _wasn't_ with Jonathan. For his part, he never had enough time. But it was hard for her in other ways. She could never see Beth, or her parents. All her news of them was relayed through Jonathan, or Dess sometimes. She knew Dess was lonely, but she couldn't help that. She barely saw any of her fellow midnighters as it was. She needed to spend as much time with Jonathan as possible, for his sake. It wasn't fair on him. All he had was this one hour with her, and soon they wouldn't even have that.

Jonathan spent less time flying now. He didn't want to. Jessica stayed awake as long as she could for him. Even when she had to sleep, only occasionally would he move from her side to fly Rex out to the pit.

Rex tried not to find this annoying. But it was hard—not just he, but all the midnighters were growing apart from Jonathan. Jess's imprisonment had left only three midnighters to explore the reaches of the secret hour.

Jessica's dreams were hazy, and they weren't always nice, but beneath it all, she knew that someone was holding her while she slept. Jonathan was keeping her grounded. If only it had been possible to be grounded when the lightning struck…

The next eight hours were full of nightmares.

***

The greetings were the best part of midnight. He'd find her all over again, and when he saw her, his face would light up. And he would hold her for a moment, check her reflexively to see if anything had happened to her whilst he was away (of course, it hadn't) and finally, find her mouth with his. Every time it was the same.

This hour was no different, and yet Jessica could taste the desperation in him as strongly as if she were a mindcaster. His face creased up as he looked at her in the cool blue light.

"Let's fly," was all he said, and then he'd pushed off and they were moving.

It was no use asking him what was wrong: she already knew. He might be an acrobat, he might be strong, but this was one thing he was powerless to do anything about, and it was killing him.

The best thing—the only thing—to do was to find a solution.

They landed on Pegasus.

"Could I walk out of the blue time, do you think?" she asked him abruptly, when they'd settled into a familiar shape, arms around each other, heads close.

"What if you just… cease to exist?" Jonathan said. His face twisted again. She was causing him pain—he didn't want to go without her.

"You know it can't keep going on like this—it's just not possible," she told him. Trying to remain strong. It wasn't working. The tears were making it hard for her to see. "At least this way I have a chance of surviving."

Jonathan felt as though everything but his stomach had lost midnight gravity.

"I could lose you," he said softly, his voice cracking. He just wanted a few more nights with her, that was all. Time was something they just didn't have.

"You'll lose me anyway."

She pressed her face to his and their tears mingled, soft and salty; they clung to each other, perched high on top of a meaningless symbol of freedom. Neither of them wanted to lose anything just yet.

***

"Wait until Samhain," he breathed into her shoulder. "At least give yourself the best chance of coming back. Please."

He was desperate, clutching at straws that she knew wouldn't help one bit, and this time she truly realised that she might never come back. It was an awful, crushing weight.

If she stepped beyond the barrier... For the first time, Jess thought beyond the original steps of her plan. If she left the blue time, what would she become? A ghost? A soul? A daylighter? Would she be frozen in time until the midnight shape grew again and she was engulfed? Would only a corpse remain? Would she simply cease to exist?

She shook her head. She couldn't know what would come. There was simply no way to predict anything. All she could do was hope—hope for any kind of future. She would wait until Samhain. It was the least she could do.

"The hour's nearly over," she said. "You should go."

"No," he whispered. "I miss you so much. Don't go. Not yet."

"Jonathan, I—"

From the ground, the security guard saw a lone boy appear out of nowhere, legs swinging carelessly, dangerously, atop the tower.

The police cars arrived soon after. Jonathan barely noticed.

And Samhain was nearing.

***

Samhain. Two hours or two days—whichever side of the blue time you were on, however you looked at it, it was terrifyingly close. Jonathan's arms were around her, as they always seemed to be. They were useless at shielding her.

"One more year," she gasped out. "I'll wait another year." She wasn't ready to die yet. She wanted to go on living, even if she never saw the sun again. Even if her family were lost to her forever. Even if Jonathan would grow older at a far faster rate than she would.

Maybe they could see each other just a little longer before the age difference became too great…

No. She couldn't do it. It wasn't just the age difference. She couldn't keep Jonathan stuck in Bixby any longer, yearning for a girl who didn't even exist for twenty four hours out of the day. She never had to miss him, but he was missing her, every day. It was showing on his face. The suffering…

Jessica couldn't keep him trapped with her. It wasn't fair. If, by some miracle, she survived, they would be together. If… if… well, he would heal that much faster.

Jessica had sometimes imagined herself heroically giving up what she wanted for someone else, but she'd never seriously considered it. The idea of being this selfless, really going through with it, frightened her immensely.

She hid her face in his neck, letting the tears run in rivulets down his skin. She felt his drop, one by one, into her hair.

"No. I can't do this to you."

Jonathan grabbed at her, pulled her face up, searched her features. "But—"

"Please, take me to the edge of the blue time. Do this for me. I'm doing it for you."

Truth was, she couldn't bear to let him finish.

***

Dess was the first to arrive. Jessica could spot her a long way off, a dark figure cutting speedy swathes through the dust on a rusty old bike. She pulled up beside Jonathan. His face was crumpled like paper. It eased slightly with the company of the polymath. Jessica felt a tinge of jealousy, and then shook it away hurriedly. Dess wasn't that sort of person. And anyway, if she didn't survive… Jonathan would need somebody else to take care of him.

Rex and Melissa seemed to appear out of nowhere, reasonably close together, but not touching. Neither wanted to remind Jess or Jonathan of what they could be losing.

Melissa could taste the low current of excitement that coursed through Rex—after this, whatever the outcome, Jonathan would be freer to take him for long journeys in the blue time. He could discover even more lore, explore new worlds…

She frowned at Rex, letting her displeasure settle inside of him. He realised that the corners of his mouth were twitching upward, and rearranged his expression. Jessica might be leaving them forever. That was nothing to grin about. No-one had seen him, at least.

Dess stepped forward a little.

"Seeya, Jess," she said ambiguously. A goodbye and a greeting rolled into one. Jess felt an insane urge to grin. Typical Dess.

Rex said, "Bye, Jess." His features were shadowed.

Melissa lifted a hand in a silent farewell. Jessica nodded back. "Do you know what my chances are?" she asked Rex.

"Honestly?" There was a pause, an awkward silence. With a sinking feeling, she already knew what he was going to say next. "I have no idea."

"Say—" Jess cleared her throat and tried again. "Say goodbye to Beth for me," she said thickly.

Jonathan nodded solemnly and squeezed her tightly. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

She squared her shoulders and said, "Yes." She realised it was true. She was certain. Staying like this could only cause more pain in the long run. The path she took may as well be this one.

"Goodbye," he whispered. Dess, Melissa and Rex turned their backs to let the two have one last kiss.

When it was over, Jonathan took hold of her hand, one last touch, letting it slip from his grasp as Jessica took one step forward. And then another. And then—

"Stop," he said.

"What is it?" Jessica looked at him, perplexed.

"I can't… I can't bear to... If I go with you, I'll know what happens in an instant. If I stay here, I have to… I have to wait. I can't—" He couldn't continue.

Despite everything, Jess smiled. It seemed fitting that they travel together. And not just her and Jonathan. All of them. She grabbed his hand, grabbed Dess's. Dess reached for Rex's hand. He in turn took Melissa's.

There they were, five Midnighters lined up, like so many ducks in a row. So many targets—and yet only one was really in danger right now. Jess felt vulnerable, facing the fact that these could be her final moments. But no; she had to believe. She had to trust that it would all turn out okay.

And if she were wrong? Well, at least she wouldn't be here to have her hopes betrayed. It could only turn out better for Jonathan, in any way. He would lose her, but… she had to think of what was best for him. She had to remain strong. The weight of her burden hung over her. Idealism was lonely.

"One…" Dess said, her voice shaking. Jess shut her eyes.

"Two…" Jonathan held her hand tighter than she'd ever believed possible. The loneliness was pushed away for the moment. Possibly even for forever.

"Three."

And Jessica Day stepped beyond the reaches of the secret hour and into the unknown night.

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**I'm not entirely happy with that last line, but whatever, if you've got something better, you know... Reviews'd be luverly, guv.**


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